‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the gym
You couldn’t hear shit, not a prayer or a hymn;
We were slick and hung stockings on the power rack without fuss,
In hopes that Pete, Isiah, and Matt would come and see us;
The Super Heavies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of pizza and burgers danced in their heads;
And us lesser lifters left them alone and were not a pain,
While waiting for TITAN guys, we figured we’d train,
While doing bench presses we heard such a clatter,
I sprang from the bench to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we all flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and heard a huge crash.
Matt had dumped a load of new TITEX plates,
We could see 25s and 20s spilling out of their crates,
What a great Christmas but there was more to appear,
It was Pete and Isiah on a sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer,
Pete of course was driving so lively and quick,
Isiah was unloading wraps, belts, and shirts and complaining, “Bullshit, this is a job for St. Nick.”
The great TITAN products, the stuff that has brought TITAN fame,
Was carefully listed next to each lifter’s name.
“Now, Triumph!, now, Classic!, now, Fury and Spartan!
On, Toro! on, Katana!” “Pete wait! Those Yellow Jackets, leave a whole carton!
To the end of the platform! to the top of the bench!
Please leave the ER Combo rack, I have a wrench!”
The three merry TITAN guys unloaded the sleigh,
And brazenly asked, “Can we get a protein drink before we go on our way?”
It seemed like a good deal in trade for so much great stuff,
So I blended milk, cream, protein powder, and ice cream and thought, “What the fuck?”
TITAN guys work hard to make Christmas cheery and bright
The least I could do was to treat these guys right.
Of course they had to do their holiday thing better,
So Matt squeezed down the chimney, following the Christmas script to the letter.
He was dressed in TITAN stuff, from his head to his foot,
And his singlet was now tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of wraps and belts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a Texas panhandler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His traps and erectors were huge, any deadlift he could bury!
He was making a mess in the gym but I gave him a pass,
Superheavyweight versus small guy, he’d be kicking my ass,
Isiah was laughing but gritting his teeth,
Matt came close to knocking down the Christmas tree and the wreath;
“Don’t mess with the wreath” Pete said to Matt, “it has religious significance so that will be that!”
Matt expounded on his squat prowess, noting his round belly,
That was hard as a brick when he lifted, not bowlful of jelly.
These TITAN guys were really great Christmas guests,
And needless to add, their products have always been best.
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head
Pete said, “We have to go or we will never get to bed.”
They spoke not a word but went straight to their sleigh,
Within seconds they were gone towards Texas, well on their way,
Wow, what a Christmas, I thought we would be burned
But TITAN of course gave us rewards our good behavior had earned.
Our gym stockings and spirits were filled and were heightened,
Another great Christmas, all thanks to TITAN!